Loving the Place and the Brothers
God brought me here, and I simply cannot be thinking of going anywhere else without putting myself in opposition to His will--barring the case where the spiritual life would become impossible here--and this is a fervent community, so that does not arise.
The only thing to do is to believe Him blindly, and I know in the marrow of my bones that is what He wants, that I should put myself entirely in His hands and trust Him to make me a contemplative, even though my own natural judgment tells me everything seems to be against it. Because my own judgment is darkness in the sight of God. That is all there is to it.
And this is the obstacle that has been robbing me of my peace.
Gethsemani--the place and the community--locus et fratres--is the spring where I am to drink the waters of life, and if I look somewhere else, it is to a broken cistern as far as I am concerned, because, no matter how excellent it may be in itself, another place is not God's will for me.
As soon as I acquiesced completely in this decision, which I did at once, peace came back to my soul, although I feel that God does not trust Himself to me completely--He knows what is in me. But He knows that I want to rest in His will and love His will alone. I believe in His love.
May 5, 1947, II.71-72
*You* are where I belong. Only time will tell.
ReplyDelete"Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life." --John 4:14